Crime vs pain

Pain control is a large part of the job working in palliative care. Many words are used to describe pain, and I was struck by the crossover with words that also describe crimes. Perpetrators of crime are often dealt with by our legal system, but there is no similar justice system when it comes to cancer. 

Crime vs. Pain

Shooting, stabbing, even burning,

All are worthy of the news 

All are acts of mindless violence,

Unacceptable abuse.

Shooting, stabbing, even burning,

Words used to describe the pain

Words of daily life for many

Unacceptable again.

What’s horrific to the nation

Stirring up emotion, feeling

Can be normal for the patient - 

Daily grind takes on new meaning.

Though the villains are convicted,

Justice prevailing in the end,

Cancer is again acquitted

Moving on to re-offend.

Unacceptable. 

The end.

Rachel McCoubrie 

Ask me

This is another poem written when I was working in Palliative Care to stress the importance of being honest with patients about where they are in their illness so they can plan ahead. 

Ask me

You ask me what I’d like? Well, I’d like to be well.

But that's not what you meant, as far as I can tell.

And if I can’t be well, then I’d like to be ‘not bad’.

That covers quite a lot - with lots of joy to be had. 

Or if I’m not ‘not bad’, I’m maybe ‘getting worse’;

Although that’s not brilliant, it’s not a hopeless curse.

Though if I’m getting worse, then I really need to know - 

I’ve so much to sort out before it’s time to go.

So if you respect me, please help me understand,

Then ask me what I’d like and help me get things planned.

Rachel McCoubrie 29.3.19

COVID #2: The COVID toll in May

Working in the NHS, as we realise this virus is not going away any time soon, the road ahead feels daunting and long, hence the marathon analogy. There are also many NHS staff feeling the strain and not sharing with others how they are feeling, because we feel we ought to be able to cope and we should just be getting on with it. I wanted to highlight that it is taking it's toll in different ways, and it's okay for us to admit that. 

The COVID toll in May

As days turn to weeks and now months, 

With COVID infections worldwide,

Adrenaline fades to fatigue, 

We begin to slow down our stride.

We knew we were facing a marathon,

Perhaps without taking stock

Of the challenge of taking on 26 miles,

Having hitherto jogged round the block. 

Yet somehow we’re running this race, 

But are we at two miles or ten? 

We are tired and need to pace ourselves, 

But don’t have a clue until when. 

The ‘post-pandemic’ finishing line, 

Seems a distant, elusive ideal.

Our wealth of experience is not quite enough for

The physical and mental ordeal. 

Some of us struggling, juggling life,

Surviving but not quite okay,

“I’m fine thanks,” we say and continue our day

With a stiff upper lip on display.

But a common humanity binds us all, 

It’s a beautiful bond we possess;

We’re human, not robots, and we all feel the strain

As we live with this moral distress. 

It shows itself in various ways 

We are tired, emotional, scared; 

Frustrated at things we cannot control

Feeling anxious or underprepared. 

It’s okay to experience these feelings,

Tell your team - it may help them too. 

This marathon may be a very long way,

But together, we’re strong; we’ll get through.

Rachel McCoubrie 

May 2020 

COVID #1: Going viral

Written near the start of the Covid-19 pandemic in the UK in 2020. So much sadness was on the news and yet some things were happening that definitely felt like a breath of fresh air. 

Going viral

A breath of calm on waking, 

No sooner taken than replaced

By a gut wrenching dawning 

On remembering reality.

Unwilling extras in this pandemic movie

Of unknown duration, with unscripted end.

A morbid urge to catch up on the plot –

Statistics, curfews, deaths.

Isolation, empty shelves, fear.

Yet quietly and gently a subplot emerges,
A resilient, defiant shoot pushing through the dark.

Our planet slowly but surely begins to heal -
Birdsong in China, clear waters in Venice, plummeting pollution,

Earth pauses to take a breath.

Our community reaches out with open hearts,
Taking notice of the elderly, helping strangers,

Sharing a limitless capacity for kindness.

Our families unite, exchanging frequent messages of hope and love,

Finding virtual togetherness across the generations,

Being creative, thinking outside the box.

The silver lining appearing around this viral cloud shines brightly.
There is no talk of racism, hate crimes, immigrants,
No criticism of NHS waiting lists, inefficiencies or inadequacies.
Instead, 'NHS heroes', government funding and a new togetherness emerge.

For truly, we are all in this together.

There is only one enemy here.

By Dr Rachel McCoubrie 21.3.20